When I was little, I asked my mom where babies were before they were born. She said they were in heaven with God, but once they were born and joined the rest of us heathens on earth, they forgot what it was like to talk to God one on one. It's 2008 and I'm sixteen years old, and hopefully, if you do exist, you are waiting up in heaven for me to be ready for you, talking to God about what a true heathen your mother is.
It's weird to think of myself as a potential mother; I always imagined myself with the whole big deal: a husband, kids, a home, and a career. That was when I was four and still believed I'd be a famous writer who rocked her own farm. I went through this phase of completely rejecting parenthood, and even marriage, but now I'm in that grayish area of, Hm, I really don't care what I'm doing later in life as long as I'm happy.
There are some things I want you to know, and the first is, I'm a horrible speaker. I hardly ever say the right things or roll my eyes at the right time even, and I'm a poor communicator. It may just be my own personal opinion, but I think I'm much better at writing letters. Which is why I write to you now, as a sixteen-year-old, because I know when I get older I'll forget half the things I wanted to tell you. So if ever in one day of your life I forget to tell you that I love you, don't take it personally. If I forget to say goodbye when you're on your way out to school, or I forget to say happy birthday or something else trivial like that, know that I, at the very least, think of you everyday. Just because someone doesn't say words, doesn't mean they don't feel them.
I want you to know that being sixteen is a real big mess. I consider myself different from everyone else, and I hope you do too. Like right now; everyone wears these hideous Uggs. But do I place those ill-fitted shoes considered so spectacular by my text-messaging, harlot-infected, stomach-pumped generation? No. That was a poor example, but I hope you catch my drift. I'm not the girl who spends her weekends sitting in someone's basement drinking, or the girl who wears jeans too short for her chunky legs, or the girl who can't stand to be ten feet away from their boyfriend. I'm the girl who writes songs on her acoustic guitar, slips herself onto the Varsity cheerleading team with no prior knowledge of how to be a cheerleader, refuses to cook because she thinks there's nothing wrong with packaged food, has at least one good friend in every clique, and likes to think of herself as an independent person with rather lazy qualities.
You, my daughter, will sadly probably fit this criteria too, though I do encourage you to try your own thing. As they say, to each his own. This may sound mean, but I hope you're not one of those Hollister-wearing girls who thinks she has to hook up with someone every week to be cool, who plays something ridiculous like volleyball and paints her room a shocking shade of purple and owns a pet rabbit. Don't be her, please.
Just know that being sixteen means driving, SATs, college visits, drinking, sweet sixteens, and a million other things. But really, it's just a number. Don't grow up too fast. Girls who try to grow up end up regretting it. Ask any adult, even those in college, and they will tell you they wish they were back in high school. High school may seem like a joke, but it's your last chance of no responsibility, until you're seventy and too old to even open your eyes on your own. Be open to responsilibity, but do take it easy. Remember to always give yourself some alone time to chill out and like, watch reruns of That 70s Show. You'll need that mental health time, no matter how much you deny it.
You might also want to find your special talent in life. Everyone has something, even if you're not good at it. You're a beautiful and unique snowflake, no matter how many times Tyler Durden tells you otherwise.
Oh, that's another thing. I'm a movie binger. Everything you need to know in life can be taught to you in movies. But movies are always the extreme version of things; it's either severly depressing, or extremely glamorized. Take everything you watch or read with a grain of salt.
And in the case of retarded things like Twilight, take the whole freaking sack. Harry Potter forever!
I want you to know that in the last two years, I've decided who my permanant friends will be. I have four that I hold dearest, in addition to the few at school that I hold second dearest. As my sister always points out, I don't have friends from kindergarten anymore, like she does, who are amazing and wonderful and brilliant and perfect. My friends are flawed and I complain about them a lot. But at the end of the day, I don't think I'd trade them for the world. They are everything to me even though things get very strained sometimes, whether I admit it to them or not. Don't explode on your friends, they deserve more than that.
Also, I have two friends that deal with depression. Not clinical depression, the kind with pills and doctors, but just...normal everyday sadness and all that. Just...be there for them. Even if you have nothing to say, listen to their problems, their tears, their complaints and their yelling. Trust me, you'll need them someday when you can't deal on your own anymore. And if they ever, ever hint at doing something bad to themselves, put a stop to it. Tell them to call you when they need to, when they feel alone, just do anything to keep them with you. They will thank you one day, and you will thank yourself.
From friends, to family. Family is a pain in the butt. I cannot stress how much I want us, our family, to be close. I've had so many problems with my family and I don't want that to happen to us. I want us to stay strong and stay close. I want to be a stay at home mom with you, I want to play with you everyday and love you and be there with you. I want to give you everything my mother gave to me, because it's so important to feel a mother's love. A mother is the one person who shows up to every one of your shows, even though you can't really sing, or play guitar even. She cuddles you when it's cold and sprays you with the hose when it's hot. She is the first one to love you, the first one to know you're making your big entrance into the world. She buys you McDonalds and then take you to the park. She apologizes when she yells at you for cutting another car off at the intersection. My mom is my number one right now, and I want to be that for you. Because even though you're still up there with God and you're not ready to come down yet, I know you're thinking of me as I think of you.
Oh, and don't forget dads. Dads are a bit different. They teach you how to ride a bike, they come to first your basketball games, then your cheerleading games, even though they'd rather watch your old team play than you dance on the sidelines. But they mean well, they really do. Please be daddy's little girl for me?
Sixteen is a riot. Socially, academically, and physically. Don't be a slacker like me, all right?
Love love and love,